Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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