My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
