sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
