Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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