Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
