Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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