So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
