i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
