I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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