Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize