what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
