I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
