Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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