We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
