The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
