It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
