I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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