PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just high enough for therapy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
