I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
