She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't deserve a penis
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
