I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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