please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
