I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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