Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
