There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fill condoms, not promises.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
