So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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