You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
