Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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