her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
