I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
