Don't you send me to vm
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize