i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
