I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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