She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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