i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
