I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize