"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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