We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
