I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
