i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
