You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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