A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
