Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
