How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
