Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize