I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
