This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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