We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize