He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
