hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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