I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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