no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
