Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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