He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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