His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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