I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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