at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
