Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
