dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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