Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
