Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
