My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Someone signed my nipple.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
