He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
