i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
