i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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