i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
