Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
