Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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